06-25-07

12:42 p.m.

Monday June 25, 2007

I have been typing away in a journal for quite some time now. I had a lot of mental purging to do and I locked it away safelly in an anonymous spot in blogland. It feels so good to spend time to fully void myself of negative thoughts and concerns without having to talk to anyone about it. I know I should keep positive at all times but it feels so good to dump all the demons out into one basket with no one around to judge me. It hurts talking about anything with other people especially on the uncomfortable subjects that have rattled my cages. Saying the words makes me feel like Iím living with the Crazy Bitch again who thrives on hearing my misery. I really donít like the Pentecostal religion for a similar reason.

It feels like Iíve ripped open the wound and exposed my naked muscles to the stinging air and dirt when I talk about these things with friends. They already think Iím a piece of shit and selfish. I canít seem to fake or project a postitive image of myself to anyone except myself. I really donít want to remember a few things so I need to move on with the subject matter that may not be suitable for young viewers like you.

I have watched a lot of TV over the past few days. Iíve seen a documentary on the Darfur t tradgedy and I cannot get the tune to ĎBlowiní in the Windí out of my head now. It was depressing and it was graphic which is the way I like most to be. I like to feel the pain sometimes itís the only way I can feel anything. Besides, I must be educated on these events like Darfur because I cannot allow myself to be ignorant or Republican.

Damn, hopefully I am not crossing a huge line by saying that. I could erase it but I donít want to. I am not a Republican and I feel the way I feel.

Thanks for listening, diary. Youíre the best.

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