12:19 p.m.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I have a to-do list a mile high. I think I have been a little too presumptuous because thereís no physical way (again, I am making another assumption) I can complete everything on that list.

However, I am thinking about it. I can at least tackle the list task-by-task and stop being sure of the outcome.

One of my biggest issues is that I have lost all self-control and drive to accomplish goals especially those that are outside of my comfort zone. I need to work harder because the rewards are so rich. Time is lost and I have to over compensate. Iím 31 years old. I have things I have to finish before the next birthday.

A new hindrance is my latest and greatest obsessions: swallowing small pieces of glass and cancer. Overcoming the fear of cancer was something I was very proud of but the fear is back and it feels real. I think I have managed to make myself believe that I have cancer and I am not made aware of where or what type it is.

The glass consumption is unusual fear that I had before but I find myself thinking about it when thereís no noise in the background. I fear that I wonít realize until itís too late that thereís abdominal bleeding and Iíll fall asleep and never wake up. Wouldnít it be nice if I could focus my thoughts on pleasant things? I would accomplish so much more and I think I wouldnít make everyone around me uncomfortable.


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