12:09 a.m.


For a day that started off gloomy it ended on a silly. For one, I burped on the phone. Yeah, totally in the middle of a sentence and using big words I let one go. I can battle with the biggest belchers but I've never lost control of my bodily functions to this degree in a working environment. The worst is that I giggled afterwards. That's like someone signing paperwork to refinance a mortgage and the broker farting. I was so ashamed but laughed and tried to play it off like a cough.

I'll tell you I had great rapport with that customer. They bought that policy, so there. Let me be unprofessional!

I apparently pre-ordered the latest expansion pack for the Sims 2. When the hell do I have time for that? I MUST have been on Ambien because that isn't a rational decision I recall making. But I'm okay with that. Maybe I need to quit being a serious adult for a minute and that was a subconscious cry for entertainment. Or maybe it was just the Ambien.


It's been a longggg day.

I've acknowledged a lot of things to the husband today that have made me unhappy and restless. It is an understatement to say communication is necessary for a healthy relationship. I let my misery permeate so long that it's become a cancer but I think I'm handling it rationally. We talked. And talked. And texted and talked. It was almost like I was making up for lost time but he listened. I realized he's not going to know how the hell I'm feeling if I don't say a fucking word. Apparently I can fake content pretty well. My needs are so much farther from my reality that the space in between can only be stress.

My mom was even shocked but she knows what living without security can do to a person so she's very supportive, bless her heart. I've enrolled again in college because I have to finish what I'm started and I'm so close to completion. I guess I hold him responsible for not getting my BA because I dropped out to work full time and support him since he was closer to being finished.

It's a start.

And I had a nice runner's high this morning. I read an article a few weeks ago that said a runner's high can stimulate the brain the same way and in the same area as THC. I wonder what would happen if I smoked a joint and ran a mile under 10. I think my head would explode from the pleasure.

Oh, and I found interesting pictures over the past couple of weeks.

Full moon at 2 am.

My son had the camera at some point, hence this artful shot:

And this is the best because I drank three more beers than the previous estimate (and found one that I lost) and apparently took a dead-on picture of a bathroom rug:

Well, as drunk-ity drunk as I was it less damaging than my Ambien-inspired foolishness.


Listening to... the whir of the alienware

Attempting to read... the same depressing shit as yesterday

About to watch... "I Survived" because I need to know that it could always be worse